Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
