I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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