All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
wakey wakey hands off snakey
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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