you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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