I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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