we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
