Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
