i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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