when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
