i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
