The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
