im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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