she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize