he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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