He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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