I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
