I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, beer. Big fan.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
