Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
