Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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