Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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