i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
