I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
