Will you blow on my dice?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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