Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
COCAINE IS GR8
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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