chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
