just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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