Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize