My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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