Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
