Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
