The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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