I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
