Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
