My nipple is on Facebook.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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