The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
