his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
