All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
