i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
