I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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