I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
