pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
