Duck Duck Cougar?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
