I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
