I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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