he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
