Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
