I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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