im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
