do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
