new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
As shirtless as possible
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
