I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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