is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
