if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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