Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
