pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
