I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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