Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I would fuck him just for his dog
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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