dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
