its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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