I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
