operation harelip BJ is a go
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
