hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
